Personal Essay Example about Germophobia

All of the prompts were very inspiring but I decided on “Dr. Suess says “On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are”. Describe a situation in your life where you needed to face up to a problem. What was the problem? What helped you face the problem? Did you conquer it or are you still struggling with it? Explain.” I felt as if this prompt allowed for an extremely deep reflection and I had many options for what to write about. I decided to write about my struggle with anxiety.

In grade five, I started being scared of germs. At first it was very minor, I would just sanitize my hands after going out in public and would try to get away if someone was coughing or sneezing. It gradually got worse, I would refuse to touch door handles, I would need to wear long clothes to make sure my skin did not touch any surface, and I would sanitize my hands every five minutes. It affected my social life too. If my friends came over after school and tried to sit on my bed, I would scream at them because they were bringing outside germs onto a place where I slept. It got so bad that I had to see a psychiatrist.

When talking to my psychiatrist, I refused to sit on the couch because of germs. She could tell that my germaphobia was very bad and diagnosed me with anxiety and OCD. She also decided to put me on medication to try and help me cope. I tried many medications before landing on Sertraline, an SSRI that immediately started to work. I started on a very low dose. 50 mg and at the time, it was good enough, until it wasn't. By the time I had reached sixth grade, I was on 125 mg. My anxiety would increase and then decrease like a roller coaster. Sometimes it would not be present, and sometimes it would be so present that my friends would point it out. 

It kept getting worse, affecting my friendships and restricting what I could do with my life. For years, I would not see a movie, hold the door for friends, or leave the house without sanitizer. That type of anxiety is still present but a different kind of anxiety has taken over. I started getting very bad mark anxiety at the beginning of high school. I realized that my marks could determine my future and was very hyper focused on that. I would cry if I got under 90% and would take it out on my family and friends. Many of my teachers would notice it, and pull me aside for conversations. They would all say “focus on the learning, not on the marks” but I never listened. For me, it was all about the mark. I would freak out during tests, have mental breakdowns and constantly email my teachers to ask about my marks immediately after a test. Because of this, I had to increase my anxiety medication to the highest dose possible. This is the dose I am currently on and it is helping, but my mark anxiety and germaphobia are both still present.